I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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