Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
