Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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