I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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