i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He better not be in your backpack
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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