9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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