I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
