she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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