are you still at the devil's house?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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