the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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