so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
