420 ftw
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
