woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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