Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
