Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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