hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
