she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
