is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
