I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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