Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
