3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
