i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
