I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
