You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
