Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
