Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
