Small penises have feelings too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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