that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
