What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
