i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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