Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
