My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
