Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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