It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
