dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
