You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
