Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
