let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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