I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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