shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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