mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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