I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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