Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
