i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
