Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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