That's intense
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
