i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
