I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Terrible idea I love it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
