drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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