You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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