Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
