I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
