Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we made out on top of his cat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
